My friend Michael suggested that I might want to create a “bucket list”.
The idea of a list of all of the things I have ever wanted to do is rather short, I am afraid, because I have always been a tag-alonger, from childhood. I’m more of a dragged-arounder sometimes. I’m so used to doing what other people like to do that I don’t really know what I want.
I think that I need a bucket list that I renegotiate my bucket list with myself, as I go along.
Item number one: create a bucket list.
There. Started already.
My very patient therapist remarked to me on Wednesday that it will be interesting to see what shape I am, once I am no longer to trying to fit around other people.
I do have a couple of more items for the list.
I’ve always wanted to go on an individually-guided silent retreat at St Bueno’s in North Wales. I was casting about for something to do over this bank holiday, and I remembered that. Looking on their website, I saw that there is a retreat this weekend, but it was fully booked.
Within 30 minutes of asking to be placed on the waiting list, the lovely retreat admin lady phoned to say they’d had a cancellation.
So here I am, on the train to Rhyl, on the coast.
From there, it’s a short taxi ride to St Asaph and a weekend spent alone with the universe and my own thoughts. I’m hoping to begin to discern what’s next for me, as I move through, and beyond, the next six months.
The other item is to go back to the gym. I know everyone says that. “I am joining a gym” is rather like “I’m going on a diet” and is usually solemnly sworn on three very specific days: New Year’s Day, Monday and Tomorrow.
I don’t have the luxury of solemnly swearing and then giving up within six weeks (or six days). The wheels are well and truly falling off, and it’s a matter of some urgency.
Fortunately there is something called Pay as you Gym that allows you to buy passes for gyms all over the place, one of which is not only very good, but it’s 350 yards from my home.
The universe has some ideas, it would seem.